The other day I was browsing through some brochures and web pages trying to find a suitable grave marker for Miriam’s grave.
As I looked at each design, with tearful eyes, I tried to imagine my sweetheart’s name and the inscriptions she wanted engraved on it.
While in my spirit I am comforted to know that she is with our Lord in unadulterated joy, yet my heart aches every time I get involved in an activity that brings back sweet and also sad memories. It is like when something tears into a wound that just barely getting a little scab on it. The pain seems to be more intense then earlier times.
Ironically at the same time we (the kids and I) were preparing to go and be a part of a dear couple’s 50th wedding anniversary celebration with their whole family. A few days earlier I had a privilege to congratulate another couple, closer to my age, celebrating their 25th.
Then I heard the news of others who claiming to know God yet forsaking their first marriage trying to bring validity to their adulterous relationship by “moving in together”.
Again someone else doing the same thing, cheerfully, announces the engagement to another man’s former, now divorced, wife.
Knowing that God is in control, my jealous sinful heart just burst out with a question: IS GOD FAIR?
After a short self pity the Holy Spirit just stops me in my wicked path and obliges me to look into the “mirror” the word of God.
And there I see the beam in my own eye that forces me to cover my mouth and fall silently at the feet of the judge of the universe.
Who am I to claim justice and fairness? Who am I to call God to give an account of what he choose or not to choose to do?
Oh wretched man that I am! If God would be fair to me and give me what I deserve I would perish in my sin and eternal HELL would be my certain destiny.
But praise be to Jesus our savior!
Regardless of my attitude, even as he said “while we were yet his enemies” not being fair to himself gave his life for me. Shed his own precious blood on Calvary ’s cross so that my sins can be forgiven.
What glorious deed, what Love!
If I have any merit to stand on, it is His merit alone.
But there is more... his word declares that “..All things work together, for the good, to them that love God and the called according to His purpose..”
So what I am experiencing today, be as painful as it may be, it is not an accident.
God disciplines those whom he loves.
Day by day, moment by moment transforms me and all those who believe to the likeness of His Son.
Wow! Talk about grace and mercy… instead of fairness.
I’m so glad that His ways are higher than man’s ways and His thoughts are higher then man’s thoughts.
In the light of such love I am compelled to repent and trust his promise once again that I am forgiven forever.
May God bring pleasure and happiness in the life of those whom he chooses and may he bring misery to others. For his children both pleasure and sorrow will turn into eternal blessings while to those who reject Him even the blessings of this life will turn into eternal condemnation......
These are sobering thoughts.
Instead looking at myself, being jealous of, or condemning others, I want to delight and rejoice with those who prosper and being blessed. I also need to go on my knees before the Heavenly father and pray for the salvation of the lost whom He brings into my life, sharing the good news of God’s deliverance to them, by letting Jesus loving and living in and through me......being just like a beggar showing to the other beggar where to find bread.
Thank you, Lord for not giving up on me and for your unfailing Love.
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