The legacy of a great wife from a grieving husband.

As the days of healing pass over me I want to share my thoughts with those who care.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

An old email from my bride.

Just recently I was looking for a job related email in the email archives at work,
and a batch of mail, sent by Miriam through the years, caught my eyes.
Amongst the many romantic little love notes I rediscovered this one that, especially now, has so much meaning, just as if she was encouraging me, form heaven, to go on and be faithful to our Lord and Savior….

One day, in late summer of 2009, I felt discouraged. Miriam just recently lost her glorious hair.  She was getting the heavy side affects of chemo therapy and on top of that there were some stressful issues going on at my work.

Those are the days when you just want to sleep right through the day hoping that when you wake up these tings just become a passing nightmare.

But life is not like that, and as responsible people we have to carry on even when everything we lay our hands on becomes just a chore or duty that doesn’t seem to have a purpose or there seem to be no meaningful end to the tasks ahead. 
Yet deep inside we know we must go on…. 
So I got up and went to work….. and then a precious gem fell right in my lap as a gift straight from heaven…. all of the sudden everything had a meaning, a purpose to carry on, joy is added to the labor, the future become hopeful and full of purpose.

By God’s gracious leading this is what Miriam wrote to me:

from yb

The Weekly Walk"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

James 1 tells us that above all other human traits, endurance is the characteristic that God is trying to build into your life and mine. Perseverance. Steadfastness. Keep on going. Continue making and keeping the commitments of life. No matter how hard, don't quit.

Endurance is the funnel through which all Christian virtue flows. If God can just get me to not be a quitter, He can get every other good thing into my life. If I won't quit my marriage and I won't quit my kids and I won't quit my job and I won't quit my church and I'm not going to run around thinking the grass is greener somewhere else; I'm going to believe, this is where God has me! This is where I'm going to put down roots and plant my life and make a difference; if I'll stay right here under the pressure, it's unbelievable what God could do in my life. But I've got to be willing to commit for the long haul in order for God's trials to have their purpose in my life.

I want to share a cool related verse in James 1:12, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life."

While I think there are literal crowns that we'll receive from the Lord, I'd like to suggest that the "crown of life" means the quality of life which God promises to those who love Him. If you endure, if you stand the test, there'll be a better life for you on the other side of this trial. Your best and most fruitful days are ahead. Your most God-glorifying days are ahead. God has a purpose for every difficult thing that you face, and if you hold up under it you're going to receive the "crown of life." It's a quality of life that comes to those who successfully pass the test - those who love Him. For some people it will be in eternity, but for most people it'll be at some point later in this life. Protect your joy - remain under the pressure and don't let this trial steal what's ahead.

Looking better days……J

I love You
(your bride)

Now, let me take some liberties here…. even though, I think, I am not far from the truth.

Before Miriam wrote this email she just walked away from the toilet bowl where she had to vomit up the little food she tried to take for her weakening body. As she walked by the bathroom mirror she has seen the faint remains of the beauty once she was. Dry yellowish skin a black and white bandana trying to keep her bald hairless head worm, no eyebrows no eyelashes….
Mouth burning, stomach, limbs and joints aching, all the extremities, fingers, toes numb or at best just sensations of pins and needles from the nerve damage caused by the chemotherapy.
Then she remembered her discouraged husband from the morning and knew that she must do something about it. She didn’t do it out of duty or to gain reputation. She did it because she was compelled. She loved her God and she loved her husband.

 I tell you blessed is a man who is known by the living God and as a precious gift from Him has been given a wife like this. Humbly I declare... I am one of those unworthy blessed man. 

I am certain that Miriam has that crown that she was talking about. Not just her but all those who remained faithful to the end.

In conclusion let me encourage you to consider Jesus. He is the only one who is able and willing by His Holy Spirit to change us from a purposeless miserable sinner into a joy and purposeful child of his.  Jesus experienced our sorrows and pains to the fullest. While pure and innocent He became sin for us and died on the cross alone without any comfort. This was necessary to satisfy the righteous wrath of God that is against everyone who lives in disobedience.
Now since God’s wrath is satisfied through Jesus’ sacrificial death God raised Jesus from the dead and gave him all power and all authority over heaven and earth. Halleluiah!!

Pain and sorrow tears and losses are the part of living in the ShadowLand and as God’s people we too experience them at one time or another. Yet we have the precious promises that this Jesus is with us through them all and safely carry us right through them into His eternal bliss… Heaven.

Believe it embrace it because your life depends on it.

Praise the Lord Forever.

This picture was taken around those days.