Jealousy

Rarely do I ever dream, but just recently I had a dream that stirred up emotions I didn’t know we can experience.

Dreams can play funny tricks on our minds by mixing reality into some sort of fantasy that we have a hardest time making sense of.

In My dream I somehow came to the realization that Miriam has been away for a long while (which is true) living with someone else far away from us. Not knowing where and whom she was with gave me a scary jealous feeling that I have never experienced while she was with me.

Being a beautiful woman, in the twenty plus years of our marriage, there have been occasions when godless man behaved indecently toward her. This angered us, especially me, but somehow her loving devotion toward me and our God never put her faithfulness in question.  By God's grace committing ourselves to Him and to each other daily, provided the basis to such secure relationship that jealousy had very little or no room to disrupt our marriage.

But in the twisted reality of my dream she was where she liked to be, and once I became aware of this I became restless questioning my own incompetence… how could I let this happen? How come I let it go on for so long?....  I immediately mobilized my children to help me find a way to try to get a hold of her. We were franticly looking for an old cell number ..anything.. PLEASE!!! I need to stop this I need to get her back. I even recall my oldest saying “Daddy don’t be so anxious God is in control just trust Him with this”……

Then as usual the dream faded, the web of the foggy night dissipated from my mind and gave room to reality.

As I was lying on my bed sweating, hart pounding trying to catch my breath, it took me a few minutes to comprehend that where Miriam is, there will no earthly communication tool ever reach.

Oh Lord what is the meaning of this? I have never felt this way in all my life….

After a short prayer God’s Spirit reminded me when the scriptures talk about our God being a “jealous” God.

I looked it up and found verse after verse how God is primarily jealous of his Glory, His name and his people.

His jealousy is always in the context of having His beloved “people” forgetting their Lord straying away from Him, delighting in idolatry and sin.

Then God like a jealous husband rightfully responds with furious rage not to destroy the beloved but to restore her. In the process he destroys what deceived her be it within her or without …. God doesn’t go half way He will do whatever it takes. He was willing to give His only begotten Son so the enemy of our soul would be destroyed and at the end present us as His beloved bride the Church faultless to enjoy forever.

Praise his name!!

In my dream He allowed me to have a little taste of the reality of His “Jealous” love toward me. Oh, I am so glad that I have such a God. He will pursue me ‘till the end (not just me but all who trust in his name) and will never let go of me. John 10:27-30 

My response to his Love is “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Ps. 139:23-24

A Thought from Miriam

Here is a little gem I found in one of the pages of Miriam, medicine jurnal where she and later on I were recording the daily dosages:

"Thoughts,

God can heal me any time. The bleaker it looks humanly, the better the platform for God to step in and do something.

Things I'm learning,
Am I enjoying the attention I get from everyone?...when I get into pain and discomfort, people's responses just don't cut it, so that shows I'am not getting my comfort from Him but from man's attention.....WE JUST WON'T EVER GET OVER OUR SALVES!!!!!
But then again God's hands and feet are His people.

Miriam"