As we walk through life we find ourselves somewhere between perfectness (never being able to come close to it) and???? (Well what is the opposite of perfect?) I have tried to come up with the word then when I couldn't find one I asked around, then eventually went on-line and realized the there is no such thing!! While we may use the word (improperly) to describe various things be it as exceptional as they possibly can be, we all have to realize that only GOD is perfect. Everything else lacks that quality and falls far short in the other category. For the opposite of perfect the only word I can think of, that would come closest, is hell, but that is something that none of us are familiar with. So we have to make the conclusion, that in this life even when we describe something most horrible, we know that there are things that could be worse.
Having a good marriage has its benefits. Loosing it, and even loosing it on the positive note has very unpleasant side affects. And what I mean by loosing it on the positive note is, that what we had to go through wasn’t the result of a bitter separation, rather through Miriam’s illness, while the physical elements of our relationship slowly deteriorated, our love for each other and for God grew to a much higher level then we could ever experience under “normal” circumstances. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but I can testify that it was a foretaste of the perfect one to come. Once this was over, for Miriam the foretaste turned into reality, but for me, “living without…” became the new reality. According to the word of God as his children we have riches that surpass any riches this world can offer. Yet living in this present earthly reality we have physical, emotional and other needs and desires that can only be met through means that were meant to fulfill that need. For example when we are hungry, relaxing on the sofa or taking a good walk wouldn’t satisfy the need hunger brings. On the other hand a well prepared meal not just fit that need but also produces pleasure.
I am careful when I make this statement but: I believe that God is the author of ALL pleasure. He made us in His likeness and given us the faculties to receive and enjoy the things he has made. I also believe that all these things are there, so that through them we can get to know Him, the Creator and the sustainer of Heaven and Earth. Each time we experience the satisfying of any of our needs we get pleasure, fulfilment and that move us closer to God.
On the other hand the enemy of our soul taking advantage of our fallen nature stands by, but not being able to offer us any pleasure, trying to give us fake substitutes that might give some sense of pleasure but ultimately end up hurting us, leaving us empty and instead leading us closer to, it drives us away from our God. The pursuit of the pleasure of eating can turn into an idol and make us into a glutton. The same way wine that gladdens the heart turns into a means for drunkenness. That’s how sex that meant to bring the committed godly union of a man and women to its highest level, being wasted in one night stands, adultery, prostitution, pornography and all the endless forms of sexual immorality. And we could go on and on.
Now we know from scripture that there are seasons for feasting and there are seasons for fasting also. In many aspects, today I am fasting and my state makes me vulnerable to temptations that Satan offers to fulfill in the weakness of my flesh. On this battleground I thank God the Holy Spirit who keeps me, and I continually covet your prayers that my Saviour would always be honoured in my soul, mind and body.
I love this hymn by Charles Wesley.
I want a principle within of watchful, godly fear,A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near.
I want the first approach to feel of pride or wrong desire,
To catch the wandering of my will, and quench the kindling fire.
From Thee that I no more may stray, no more Thy goodness grieve,Grant me the filial awe, I pray, the tender conscience give.
Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make;
Awake my soul when sin is nigh, and keep it still awake.
Almighty God of truth and love, to me Thy power impart;The mountain from my soul remove, the hardness from my heart.
O may the least omission pain my reawakened soul,
And drive me to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole.
Sometimes I look at those who never tasted the beauty of marriage being in a better position than I but through this I also learned to sympathise greatly with those who like me have lost it.
I have talked to some that after years of being alone still being full of sorrow and have a hard time moving on. Then by God’s grace I see others having the same great loss thriving and demonstrating a quality of life that surpasses people’s that seemingly have everything. One thing I have learned, that the more we turn to ourselves wishing on the past and looking at our loss the grater our grief and burdens are, but the more we give ourselves to others the lighter the burdens become. Isn’t that wonderful? Then the icing on the cake is that while walking in the later we are actually walking closer to the Perfect one and through this season of fast, with pleasure, we are feasting on Him.
Just recently as I translated Miriam’s blog into Hungarian I came across a phrase that she wrote, this new and a fresh meant so much to me.
“God loves me and has this all orchestrated for my good….nothing comes to Him as a surprise. I have been given another day to LIVE, that means I have a purpose, a reason for being here today….what am I going to do with it? I don’t want to waste it…I can pray, I can love my family, I can talk/write to people, I can help someone, etc. there are so many opportunities out there, will I seize them or let them go by because I am too busy worrying about myself. This is the challenge that I face daily…please pray that I would be able to keep my eyes on the things that are important and real and let the things of this earth grow strangely dim.”
So here it goes, please, pray the same for me and my children.